Susan
tapped her foot as the numbers slowly counted down to one. As the door opened,
a young man smiled as he brushed past her. She didn’t audibly grunt, but in her
mind she did. Pushing the button, she stared at the floor tile like it had
spoken great words of wisdom to her. She counted the quiet beeps up to her
floor and stepped off into the bright, active space.
Pushing
past several co-workers, she found her way to her cubicle and ducked in. As she
sat, she released a sigh that sounded like she had been holding her breath the
whole way up in the elevator. “My, that sounds like frustration if I’ve ever
heard it,” came the voice from the other side of the cubicle wall. “Want to
talk about it?”
“Not
really,” Susan barked, which caused the owner of the voice to stand and come
around the divider. Susan’s friend Anne stood with her fists on her hips and a
scowl that matched Susan’s mood.
“Well,
somebody is grumpy. Miss our morning cup of happiness?”
“No, and I
don’t want to talk about it right now. Can I just get to work?”
“Sure.”
Anne’s tone softened, “Let me know when you are ready to chat”. Susan nodded
and Anne returned to her space. Susan felt like slinging everything from her
desk, but that would only raise more questions.
Digging
into the piles of work on her desk, Susan was able to ignore the clock on her
computer screen for a while, but as lunchtime neared, it felt like she looked
at it every ten minutes but only one had actually passed. Why was time moving
so slowly?
She knew the answer to that. The
one thing that Susan hated more than anything was waiting. It seemed like the
more she wanted to know something, the longer the answer was delayed. The
answer was not coming until after four this afternoon, so she had not choice
but to wait.
Anne’s head
popped up again. “Do you want to get lunch?” Before Susan could refuse, she
added, “Good way to distract yourself from whatever is bugging you, at least
for an hour.” Knowing her friend was right, Susan reached in and grabbed her
purse and followed Anne to the elevator.
Blinded
temporarily by the sun, the two women hesitated at the doorway before they made
their way to their favorite deli. They settled into charming bistro chairs outside
and unwrapped the meaty sandwiches. The smell of the spicy mustard hit Susan
and her eyes teared up a little. Blinking, she cleared them before her friend
looked up at her again. She didn’t want to talk about it, so no sense getting
emotional.
They sat in
silence and Anne contentedly munched her sandwich, but Susan felt like
everything was going in slow motion as she played with her sandwich, not
eating. Anne broke their bubble of quiet, “You aren’t eating. Please tell me
what is bugging you.”
“I’m just
waiting to hear from someone and I know the call won’t come until later this
afternoon. You know me, not the most patient person in the world!” Smiling as
big as she could, Susan picked up the sandwich and made herself take a big
bite. She couldn’t tell if Anne was buying her story, but her friend changed
the subject and started chatting about the latest office gossip.
The first
hour back at work went like the morning, time creeping along while Susan tried
to focus on the words on her screen. Even the mouse was going against her,
refusing to scroll properly so the pages moved in slow motion. Suddenly, she
realized that time had flown to three o’clock. Only an hour until she could
expect the call.
The
realization hit her hard. Her stomach tightened, making her regret the
sandwich, her head pounded and her heart felt like she had been in a race.
Fear. Fear of the call. She wanted the call, she didn’t want the call. The call
was going to come and even if it didn’t eventually she would have to know the
answer. The thought terrified her.
Should she
go home so she could get the call there instead of the office? No, she thought,
she had come in late this morning and leaving early was frowned upon. Besides,
if it was bad news, she really would need Anne close by. Anne was her best
friend and the closest thing she had to family here. She regretted not telling
her about the call. Maybe she should tell her now…
“Anne,
could you come over here, I need to tell you something,” Immediately she came
around the corner, pulling her office chair with her.
“I’m glad
you are ready to talk. I was getting very concerned about you.”
“I have
been waiting for a phone call,” Susan started.
“You said
that earlier. From who?” Anne leaned forward and grabbed Susan’s hand.
“The
doctor.” As the words left her mouth, the phone rang. It was 3:30. Not the
doctor’s office yet, it was too early, but she needed to answer it. “Hang on a
minute,” as she picked up the call.
Anne
watched her friend’s face as she listened to the caller. Worry had been there
all day, but it changed as the call went on. Occasionally Susan would mumble,
“Yes” into the phone, but she hung up silently and was still. Minutes passed
before she turned, tears in her eyes and said, “I have cancer.”
