First short story

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OK...First short story...finished in two 30 minute sessions. What do you think?

I will not be beaten by an inanimate object.

Usually, I don’t have to worry about opening jars. My husband could open anything… I wish…

Well, wishing won’t do any good. He isn’t going to walk in the door today.

How many times had he done this for me? I never thought about how much it meant to me.

What other things did he do for me? Did I value those things?

Maybe I just won’t ever eat pickles again. That isn’t reasonable.

Sit down and calm down.

What else can I do to open this jar?

What am I going to do?

I can’t go on this way; I have to figure out how to live without him.

I could get one of those jar-opening thingies…that only solves this problem.

What about the bills? How will I pay everything? The house, the car, the insurance.

I guess I can get a second job…not like I don’t have the extra time on my hands now.

I hate this.

Why me? Why him?

Why now?

I hate the night…so alone…so quiet. Even the fan doesn’t keep it from being quiet.

I hate every night from now until forever.

Forever…alone…forever…really? Will I be alone forever? I could get a cat. Not that a cat would help with the pickle jar.

I have to think about this in a different way. Not alone…independent. I can do this…I don’t want to…

I can, I must. I have no choice now.

The pickle jar. I can find a solution to this. I can find a solution to my other problems.

But can I mend my heart…that is at the center of this problem. My heart.

Is it broken so bad that it can’t be fixed? What do other people do?

What did Mom do? She went on with her life…but then, she had me and my sister.

She didn’t have any choice either.

Do any of us have a choice in this situation?

We do have a choice. We can chose to wallow in our sadness or we can face the sadness and accept it and move on in our lives.

I have a choice.

But what if I need help? Who can I turn to?

Mom can’t help…she has enough trouble managing her own life. I’m afraid that my problems make her nervous and she might have another episode.

Everyone else is too far away. They want to be there for me, but they have their own lives. I am alone.

Am I really alone? Who did I rely on before I got married? Surely not myself! I was a mess…worse than I am now.

I used to go to church. Why did I stop? I don’t remember why. It didn’t seem to matter then.

What would church do for me? I guess it would help keep me from being lonely…maybe. There are a lot of people there.

Do I really need people? Is it only people? Or do I need to feel something. I know I don’t want to feel how I feel right now.

Alone. Sad. Angry! Why? Why him? Why now?

Who am I angry with? God?

Really? Am I angry with God? Did God do this to me?

They say He is the one in control. Did He rip my life apart?

Or was it just coincidence?

I have heard the preacher say that God lets us make our own choices. Was that what happened? My husband made his own choice and I have to live with the results of it…

Am I angry with God? If I am, there is no point to it. Being angry at God doesn’t change what happened. And what if God is who I should be leaning on right now.

God can comfort me…I guess I wouldn’t feel so alone all the time.

I will go to church this Sunday. I can go to the church where the funeral was held. Those people seemed nice and the preacher was very helpful…I was in shock and I don’t even remember if I thanked him. Maybe I can at least do that when I go on Sunday.

Still won’t help with the pickle jar.