I promised myself...

that I would write a blog every week. Well, I didn't get one done last week. Ironically, it was supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek bit about how when I clean I cannot finish one task without being drawn off into other ones. I have a real problem with this and I know it is not a rare or unusual problem, either. It causes disruption in the home, exhaustion, and confusion. I have seen it called Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder. No, it isn't really an official disorder, but it really describes me to a "T". I have to consciously force myself to stay one one project and in one room until I am finished with that job. 

Last weekend was a real struggle for me to finish the task I had set before myself. I have replaced the carpet in most of our mobile home with peel and stick vinyl tiles. They look like wood or slate and are very easy to lay down. My oldest daughter's room was the last room to be done. The challenge is the prep work...pulling up the carpet and them making sure that all of the staples and tacks are removed from the subfloor. I had a long weekend to finish this...plenty of time, I thought...

My husband helped pull up the carpet. He really is a big help because I just don't have the strength to pull it up as fast as he can...I cut it into strips and he pulls. Unfortunately there was some paint that had stuck to the carpet from when the room was painted many years ago, so when he pulled, a large section of wallboard paper came with it. Not his fault, but it sent me on a tangent...now I had to repair that part of the wall so I started to repair all of the spots that had holes. That required pulling out the joint compound and tape, tools, and remnants of paint. I spent several hours on fixing the walls in four rooms (all with different colors of paint) instead of laying tile strips. 

I managed to finish the floor and get everything back into her room so she could get homework done and enjoy her "personal space" by Monday afternoon. My husband and I also took a load of stuff to storage and I packed more boxes. I was frustrated by how much I thought I should have been able to get done instead of going off onto this tangent. I needed to do those repairs, but I have planned it for this coming weekend, to be done along with some larger wall-repair work so all the same supplies could be pulled at the same time. I know I should be happy that I finished as much as I did finish...

So this is why I didn't get a blog written last week. I have so many good ideas that I have been making note of them. I have considered writing more than once a week, but I guess I need to make sure I can do at least one a week for a while. I will hold those ideas for a time when no good ideas have come...

Healthy Friends

We grow up wanting friends. The more, the better we believe. When we are young, friends are people who we play with, go to school with, or just hang out with after school. Really, everyone is considered a friend. Sometimes, even people we have just met could be considered a friend. The concept of an acquaintance is unknown when we are in elementary school. My daughters have always been the type of people who could talk to anyone at any time, so the stranger in the Subway while we are waiting for our sandwich becomes a friend.

This idea starts to change when we reach middle school. Our friend selection methods become more refined, and we start to develop a smaller, multi-tiered group of friends. The inner circle of one or two "best" friends, then the group of friends who we like enough to hang out with in school, and then the outer circle of people who would best be classified as acquaintances. It is at this time that we start to think about what we want in a friend and make choices about who we want to include in that inner circle.

Friendship has been a topic of conversation lately in our family, especially in reference to what makes a healthy friend. Face it, some people do not make healthy friends. We may like that person and enjoy spending some time with them, but if we spend too much time around them we start to feel bad. Or even worse, that person does hurtful things to us and we end up dreading spending time with them. 

How do we handle this type of situation? It seems easy to say that we should stay away from that person, but we may want to avoid the conflict that breaking a friendship involves. Or we have to see that person daily at school or work and cannot avoid contact. The advice I gave to one of my daughters was to be friendly and polite when she has to deal with a person that makes her feel bad, but to avoid agreeing to spend social time with that person. The process of reducing context may have to happen gradually and I told my daughter that she may have to endure some difficult times with the person, but in the long run she will benefit. 

Friends are often a wonderful part of a rich, happy life. They will be by your side during the good times and hopefully the bad times in your life. But no one has time in their life for an unhealthy relationship. 

Tangled

My daughter handed a ball of yarn that was a real mess. We were riding in the car on the way back home after a movie and dinner, so it was dark. Not an easy task, but then when our children give us a mess to take care of, it often is a difficult challenge.

I have always loved fiber crafts including crochet and knitting, but this winter both of my girls suddenly got bitten by the yarn bug. There is something about all the soft, fluffy, or glittery stuff out there...they didn't want to learn how to use needles, but we learned arm knitting and they continued with finger crochet and braiding. The first thing I tried to teach them is how to pull the yarn out of the skein and roll it into a ball. Trust me, that is the best way to avoid problems. You have to know where to pull it...from the center, not from around the out side. It is also important to leave the wrapper on until you are finished winding the ball.

Well, Amanda had not done either of those things with this skein. It was soft, fuzzy, with evenly spaced lumps, which served to make it maddeningly difficult to avoid tangles. I worked on it for twenty or so minutes in the car, then for another hour at home on the dining table, where I have both light and space. As I worked, I would occasionally think I had finally taken care of the worst of it, only to find another lump to untwist and unwrap from itself.

As I worked, I thought. I enjoy a challenge and I have plenty of patience to work on something that seems impossible. I actually enjoy the challenge, whereas I know neither of my girls would have the patience or the know-how to conquer this mess. I was struck with how much this was like the messes that our children hand us in life. Those problems that they create through not listening to what we have taught them or through their inexperience. They don't always know how to work their way out of the mess and they have to hand it to us for help. Problems that are next to impossible to complete in the dark and need light and space in order to see the intricate twists and lumps that frustrate us. Every time I thought I had finally broken through or I was nearing the end, it would get bad again.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad that my girls turn to me with their tangles. There will be a day when they won't look to me as often and I will miss that opportunity. The opportunity to teach, guide, spend time with and just love on them. Maybe by then they will be untangling their own children's messes.